Inuyasha and the Talk Show Demons
by Inu-Kago
Summary: Inuyasha has faced many horrors in the past but will he be able to stand up against Prime Time TV? This is my first fanfic so please be brutally honest in your reviews.


Inuyasha and the Talk Show Demons.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters, but I do own a mansion and a yacht and….aw who am I kidding? The only land I own is stuck to the bottom of my shoes. :sigh:.

Naraku sat on the bedroll that had once been a throne. "No matter how many demons I send after him Inuyasha always kills them. I don't have any assassins left except…That's it! The cruelest assassins of al! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!"

Meanwhile Inuyasha and friends were enjoying a…uh…um…sort of a pleasant lunch "Sit! Sit Sit Sit! Sit you stupid pig! Sit!" Kagome yelled. Inuyasha barely able to get up from the ground managed to say, "What's your problem?" Kagome yelled, "I slave for two hours to make lunch for everyone, then I leave for one minute and when I come back Shippou has a black eye and you've eaten all the food! Sit!" Falling to the ground again Inuyasha yelled, "I'm telling you! Shippou ate it!" "Who'd believe that Inuyasha?" a faraway voice said. Everyone turned to see four cloaked figures. One of them stepped forward and said, "Naraku has sent us to kill you and/ or sell you our useless books and DVDs. Who wants to die first?" Miroku stepped forward and said, "I will fight you!" The figure threw off his cloak revealing himself to be a middle-aged, balding man in a formal suit. He said, "My name is Phil, Dr. Phil McGraw!"

Fight One

Miroku vs. Dr. Phil

Miroku began swinging his staff at the so-called doctor, missing every time. Dr. Phil grabbed the staff and said, "What did violence ever solve?" he took the staff and broke it on his knee. "I think you're fighting me because there's a problem with your current relationships" Miroku stopped fighting, "Every woman I ever loved either hated me, tried to kill me or killed themselves! I act like a pervert as a front because all I ever really wanted was for someone to love me." Miroku said crying. Dr. Phil gave Miroku a big hug, but behind his back Miroku undid his prayer beads and sucked the fake doctor into his wind tunnel.

All that was left was a stack of self-help books by Dr. Phil."Miroku,"

Shippou yelled, "You beat him!"Miroku started crying again and said, "He was the only one who ever understood me. I need some time alone." Miroku ran away into the distance. Sango ran after him leaving Inuyasha, Kagome, and Shippou angry and confused.

Miroku O – X Dr. Phil

Fight Two

Shippou vs. Jerry Springer

Shippou walked up and yelled, "How could you hurt Miroku's feelings like that? I won't forgive you!" Another figure threw off his cloak, revealing himself to be a short man with glasses who said, "I'm Jerry Spring…" Before he could finish his sentence, Shippou had thrown at least 50 mushrooms at him. Jerry tossed all the mushrooms out of his way and said, "From experience on my show, I've mastered kung fu, karate, tae-kwon-do, taijitsu, and kick-your-ass martial arts." Jerry leaped forward and kicked Shippou in the head, but all he did was keep throwing mushrooms at him. Jerry pinned Shippou to the ground and said, "I win." Shippou yelled, "Guess again. Fox Fire!" The pile of mushrooms immediately lit on fire and Jerry Springer went up in flames.

Kagome cheered,"Shippou, that's the most courageous thing you've ever done." Inuyasha threw a fake spider at Shippou, who immediately screamed in horror. Then Kagome yelled, "Sit boy!" and Inuyasha face-planted the ground.

Shippou O-X Jerry Springer

Fight Three

Kagome vs. Oprah Winfrey

Kagome stepped forward and said, "Are you scared? Come forward and fight me." "I'm not scared," said the cloaked figure revealing herself as a shorthaired, African American woman. "But if you kill Inuyasha yourself, I'll give you a car."Then Kagome replied, "Sounds tempting, but no." She fired an arrow that directly hit Oprah, but she didn't even flinch. She said, "I was abused as a child, so you can't kill me. I think you're going after the shikon jewel because of abuse, and I for one think that you should buy a lot of my books and…" Kagome took an arrow and shoved it down Oprah's throat saying, "You talk too much." Oprah's last words were, "You haven't seen the last of me. My show is on from 4 to 5 on weekdays."

"Only one left," Kagome said. Inuyasha shrugged and said, "How hard could it be?"

Kagome O-X Oprah Winfrey

Final Fight

Inuyasha vs. Maury Polvich

Inuyahsa stepped forward and said, "Hey stupid, I'll teach you to ruin our lunch." Then Kagome shouted, "but Inuyasha, you ruined lunch when you ate everything." "Eat this!" the cloaked figure said as he threw a DVD at Inuyasha. The figure threw off his cloak to reveal himself to be a tall man wearing a blue sweater. "I'm Maury Polvich," he said. "And that's the first season of my show. And I have this." Maury held up a manila envelope. "What's that?" Inuyasha yelled. "This," he replied, "Is a lie detector test. When asked if you still had feelings for Kikyo, you said "no". The lie detector test determined that was a lie. When asked if you have inappropriate dreams about her, you said "no." The lie detector test determined that was a lie. You dream about her every night." "That's not true!" Inuyahsa yelled. Inuyasha fell to the ground in horror and said, "This can't be, I've lost. But wait that's it." He stood up and held out 20manilla envelopes and said, "All of these women are demanding 1 million dollars in child support each. The tests show… YOU ARE THE FATHER! YOU ARE THE FATHER! YOU ARE THE FATHER! YOU ARE THE FATHER! YOU ARE THE FATHER! And now you're broke." Maury yelled, "Noooooooooo!" then pulled out a handgun and shot himself in the head.

Inuyasha got up and said, "We've won…" Kagome yelled, "Sit boy! I can't believe you dream about that slut Kikyo. SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!"

Inuyasha O-X Maury Polvich

The End…?


End file.
